Feeling Burdened

I always find myself writing posts in my head, all the time. Most of the time they come to me while I'm driving or of course, just somewhere that I can't actually post them at the time.

Lately I have been really struggling with feeling overwhelmed with life. The last few weeks have been very hectic. My body is SO out of whack and I'm trying to get it back on track. With all the craziness of having to go back to Indiana at the last minute, that whirlwind trip, suffering from no sleep and crazy busyness as soon as we got home I am just not well. Today I came home from work early with a huge migraine (that I had woken up with). I slept for like four hours when I came home and when I woke up the mirgraine still remained. I finally caved and took some excedrin migraine to see if that would help and it has helped a tiny bit, but not much. I've been trying to get back in the routine of eating lots of produce, taking my vitamins and *trying* (rather unsuccessfully) to get more sleep every night, as I know these are the things my body is craving to start feeling a little better and more like myself.

Ah. On top of all of that, and for the last month or so actually, I have been really struggling with being depressed. Not any sort of life crippling depression, just a long lasting mellow sadness/discouragement/discontentment. I just feel like I have so many things on my plate, and I feel like I don't have many options when it comes to sacrificing things for the sake of my well being. I have work obligations and responsibilites, Church obligations and responsibilities, family and friends that I want/need to make time for and personal issues that I need to have time to reconcile. Where do I sacrifice? The only thing I keep coming back to is stepping out of my Church responsibilities but I don't feel like that is what I should be doing, it just feels like the ONLY place I can cut. I wish I could just work part time so I had time to deal with the rest of these things, but I just can't afford to right now. I literally feel so burdened down and crippled by the load I am carrying. I feel like I need to just have a good cry session but I don't feel like I even have the time or energy for that! Ha. Its just ridiculous. :-/

I still struggle to understand why God allows certain things in my life, certain burdens that I have to carry. I still find myself getting so frustrated at times when I have to work so hard for things that others don't have to try at all for. My heart just aches within me. Maybe that sounds mellowdramatic but it is literally how I feel. I know its just the same as any other situation, like the really overweight people on Biggest Loser, they have to work SO hard to lose all the weight, when some people are just naturally skinny. I'm sure they feel that same frustration, I just feel like the things I want are so natural and everyone should be able to easily have them, our bodies are designed for it, but yet I just *struggle* and it is so exhausting. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually exhuasting.

I keep reminding myself of that passage in Matthew. Matthew 11:29-30 that says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I remind myself of Romans chapter 8, Hebrews chapter 12 and two of my other favorites, Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." and Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I remind myself of the verse that seems to represent my life "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." from Psalm 27:14. I just keep repeating these verses to myself and praying that God would make them true in my life, that I would truly believe and trust that God has promised me these things and He is faithful and will bring me through all these heartaches and stress and burdensome times.

In my heart of hearts I know these to be true but in the present time when I'm feeling all this heartache and frustration its hard to remember it, its hard to remember that God loves me and cares about even the tiniest struggle and that He is with me through it.